Destructive Relationships

Some people end up in one destructive relationship after another, joking about that they find their partners outside the mental institution.


I won’t discuss reasons for why some people seem to attract people with problems here, but rather outline the differences and outcomes between ‘stable relationships’ and ‘chaotic relationships’.

When I was still young and naive, I used to believe that love was everything and that it was enough to solve any problem in the world.
The course of life and love has showed me otherwise.

Sometimes love is not enough. Love cannot solve every problem in the world – loving people, oneself, life and the world should make things and life easier but sometimes it just creates for more problems.

Sometimes two people just don’t work. Loving someone more than life itself is not always enough to make it work between two people, and sometimes loving someone who you are incompatible with causes more harm and pain than good.

We all want excitement in life, we all want to feel alive and there is nothing more beautiful or extraordinary to life than the strong attraction and love between two people that takes their breath away.

But love is not always enough. The obvious and undeniable attraction between two people cannot always solve their problems and sometimes their worldviews, goals, dreams or desires clash. And perhaps it is exactly when the attraction is the strongest that it can’t work. Maybe it is exactly the differences and the unavailability that creates the attraction.

Above all – there are no rights or wrongs in love. There is no manual and no guidelines for love. But we should all love and respect ourselves enough to walk away from a destructive relationship, regardless of how much we love someone.

The love you feel for one person can never solve all their problems, unless they are willing to consciously work on them together.
The love you feel for someone can never change them – and it shouldn’t. Sometimes two souls just don’t go well together.

I am not preaching for giving up on love when it gets hard, but rather hoping to inspire people to think more actively about the choices they make in relationships, and to inspire them to think more long-term – what do you want from life? From love? From a relationship?

If someone stands in the way of your dreams, goals, aspirations or who you are, then perhaps you shouldn’t be with them. It doesn’t matter if it is a family member, a long-time friend, someone you love dearly and cannot imagine life without, if they cause more harm than happiness, then you shouldn’t be with them.

No person is the same, no person will make you feel the same but there are more people out there. There will always be someone who functions better with you, someone who brings out the better parts in you rather than stimulate the ones you wish weren’t there.

Love is not only an emotion; it is an active process which we need to choose wisely in.

Learn to set boundaries and learn to identify when all you can do and need to do is walking away. You’ll do everyone involved a favour, although it might not feel like it at first.

Det finns en gräns för hur mycket man ska acceptera.

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