One of the best advice I have ever been given is to change the circumstances in life whenever they stop making you happy. Of course, sometimes we do need to do things we don’t want but when what we do start to fully consume us and kill our sense for creativity and all we stand for, then, I’d argue, it is time to make a change.
This is something I have always stood by, but almost lost track of during the past few months.
As I left Sweden five years ago, all I could see myself doing was leaving. When I left before completing the full semester of psychology that I was enrolled in at the time, I was not 100% sure that was the right step to take. I knew that psychology had come to be one of my main passions in life and as much as I felt the need to leave, I knew I took the risk of regretting it later. I have thought of it many times and I have wondered if it would have been better if I had finished that semester, and eventually my degree in psychology. However, I don’t live with regrets and I know that, at the time, the only thing I could have done was grabbing my carry-on and set out for Europe. It was not the easiest decision to make or the easiest next step to take, but it was the only right one at the time.
I am once again standing at one of those crossroads, where I have quite a big decision to make. Although I believe I already have made up my mind. Sometimes it is not the easiest making a decision though, especially when it means that we may not get to see some of the people we care for the most. Nevertheless, we need to listen to our hearts and do what is right and best for ourselves – unless we are committed to another person or any other duties. Life is about changes.
In the past few weeks, I was incredibly close to fully give up on writing. As I walked out of the newsroom I was working in for a few days, I felt as if my dream for 20 years had been crushed. I then admitted to myself that working in that environment is not at all what I want to be doing. As melancholic as it felt, and as lost as it made me feel, a sense of freedom hit me. I knew that I now am free to do exactly what I want. I just needed to pick up next dream on my list and see where that takes me.
I am not entirely sure where life will take me next but I have had a strong need to return home through the past year, even if only for a year or two. I was hoping the feeling would go away, but it hasn’t. Maybe three months in Stockholm will make me change my mind yet another fifteen times. However, I doubt it. As I said, I think I already made up my mind months ago.
The other day I found myself applying for psychology courses in Stockholm. Maybe it is time to pick up the degree I walked out from five years ago. It’d only require another two and a half semesters of studying. I could hopefully get my own little apartment in Stockholm, and most importantly, get to spend some solid time with friends and family again.
I had many dreams coming true in the past three years, and I acquired a bachelor’s degree in the meantime. As for now, I feel that my work abroad is done. For now, I have grown out of Scotland.
Additionally, I’d rather have a relatively small audience and get to write what I am passionate about than write bits and pieces that make me want to tear my hair off, even if that means that they will be read by thousands of people.
The other day an article with several typos was published in my name, although I did not even write it or get to have a say in how it was written. While I don’t know exactly how to approach this or go about this, I do know that this is not the kind of journalist or writer I want to be represented as.
So hereby I resign as a traditional journalist, until I find motivation to write and work on improving my skills again.